Mediation & Prozessbegleitung
I support you in finding helpful ways of arguing
Carla Vollert
You and your partner are a good team. At least you were, until the beautiful moments became rarer and the accusations louder. The mood is tense. There has been so much anger and disappointment that you are not sure if you can find your way out alone.
It is possible that your issues include:
What you actually want is something else: arguing with more ease and with really good solutions, being able to laugh together about everyday madness, pulling together when making decisions. And above all, gaining back the certainty that you are there for each other,
even when things get heated.
On the way to constructive arguing, international couples often face some additional challenges.
Maybe you`re asking yourselves:
Often, the “couple language” is not the mother tongue of one or both partners. Especially
during an argument, this can feel unfair because one person may be better able to express
themselves. Misunderstandings can also occur quickly.
If communication doesn’t work, an endless search begins. Is language the problem? Are we
talking past each other because we package our desires very differently? Are we just
individually different or does culture play a role? The possibilities seem endless.
Couples where one or both partners come from outside of Europe have to deal with special
bureaucratic hurdles. It is often difficult to obtain a residence permit. The process of
recognizing foreign degrees or attempting to obtain citizenship can also create stress. It is
clear that this can also affect the relationship between partners.
This question can cause a lot of controversy. Bureaucratic hurdles can also play a role here
(e.g. visa issues, lack of work permits) or the desire to be closer to one’s own family.
When you come to me as a couple, you describe your concerns to me and together we explore what each of you needs specifically to feel better. Because accusations usually stem from hurt needs. Mediation often reveals that there is an underlying issue behind the argument topic.
So, the demand to move back to the city you grew up in may hide the desire for more exchange and less isolation. The desire for more intimacy and recognition may be behind a heated argument about household tasks. I listen carefully, ask questions, and help you gain clarity. This way, it gradually becomes easier for you to understand each other’s perspectives and find good
solutions.
After mediation, you can often:
Do you want to learn more about me? Then have a look here.
I`m looking forward to your message or phone call. The preliminary talk is nonbinding and free of charge.